Boundaries are significant in our everyday lives. Though this is true many of us fail to set them in every aspect of our lives. Many people are full grown adults with boundary issues. We struggle to say “no” knowing we are too busy or just don’t have the resources to help other people in certain seasons of our lives.
We feel obligated to do for people or allow them to keep coming at us with their problems instead of being able to say, “nope I’m not listening to that today”. We allow people to disrespect us and say things that hurt us to avoid confrontation. Also, secretly we despise some of the people we fail to set boundaries with, and they are oblivious to it and so are we.
You can’t get around boundaries. Either you are going to set them or continue to be manipulated and controlled by everyone around you. You will continue to overwork yourself in all your relationships. People will do things like show up to your house unannounced and out of obligation you will let them in and allow them to disrupt your peace. This is just one example.
People often overextend themselves financially trying to support others on a budget that does not have room for that. God’s word says, “the leech has two daughters— Give and Give! There are three things that are never satisfied, four never say, “Enough!” (Proverbs 30:15). This means that when people want something from us, they don’t see a limit unless you set a boundary and stand on it.
“For I do not mean that others should be eased, and you burdened, but that as a matter of fairness your abundance at the present time should supply their need, so that their abundance may supply your need, that there may be fairness” (2 Corinthians 8:13-14).
In this scripture Paul is clearly outlining that if the abundance is there then helping or supporting the other person may be feasible. Also, in this scripture Paul illustrates fairness. Another way of looking at fairness is that both parties mutually benefit in a balanced and healthy way. Fairness in setting boundaries is setting your limits and boundaries and sticking to them and the other partner doing the same in a balanced manner.
God never wants us to do things for others that are ungodly in nature, rooted in deception and greed or manipulation and control. Some people will do things for you with the expectation that you must do for them. That is control and manipulation.
The late great iconic Maya Angelou illustrates this very well when she quoted “when someone shows you who they are believe them the first time”. We often don’t create boundaries out of fear of losing a friend or companion. If fear is driving, you to maintain a relationship it would seem to me you have some boundary and heart issues.
Love and a healthy friendship should drive you to set boundaries. Stop trying to hold on to people for the sake of being able to say you have a friend. When the truth is, whether you want to admit it, they only keep the friendship to benefit themselves.
“having a form of godliness but denying its power. And from such people turn away!” (2 Timothy 3:5). Another component that should motivate us to keep individuals in our lives is that this person is godly and doesn’t just have a form of godliness. It is easy to be deceived by people.
There are so many people who are unaware of how they behave and who they are. Age is nothing, but a number. I used to think age equated wisdom, but more often than not it doesn’t. Also, very few people are willing to do the inner work to change. They don’t see a problem with what they are doing because they have been doing it for so long.
I wanted to write this message to talk about a sensitive topic to many people. I am currently working on setting more boundaries in my own life. It is hard because I am not used to it, but I started the journey, and I am sold out. Understand this, people will not like you setting the boundaries, but they are good both ways. It will show you a lot about the people in your life. Sometimes the boundary issues go both ways. We need to stop feeling obligated to receive and give. (paid links)
This is a book on boundaries by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend. These authors educate their readers on boundaries from a Christian perspective. If you are looking for scriptures to educate you on boundaries this book, is it.
Also, check out my new book about healing from past trauma.
Resilient Inspired Spiritual Excellence R.I.S.E. 