I was having a therapy session with my trauma-focused therapist and she said “you do realize you can’t control everything and the only thing you can control is you”. This was not the first time someone said you can’t control everything. This was the first time I was asked did I realize it. My response was “yeah but I still try”. She stated, “that’s insanity you will never be able to control everything”.

It was in this session that I realized I needed to stop trying to control people and everything that happens to me. It was in this session I realized the times when I could not control my abusers something in me sought to control the things I thought I could and I never learned how to balance it. I never learned how to determine distinctly what is under my control and what is not in my control.

There are so many people that are against therapy but with the right therapist, patience, and time you can begin to grow and understand the things that have you stuck. Yes, God can speak to us but sometimes God uses people to get his message to us.

God never intended for us to be able to control everything that happens to us. Yes, it is unfortunate when people take advantage of our trust, and kindness, and inflict their will on us. God knew we would face things like that. It is not a question of why, but a question of how can I heal from it and grow past it.

You have to learn what is in your control and what is or wasn’t. As little children, we have less control and it is never your fault what happens to you. It is your parent’s or guardian’s responsibility to ensure your care and safety as children and adolescent.

Most of us know that that is not always the case. This creates many adults unsure about what they should have been able to control and what was really not their fault or in their control. Sometimes in life, it is what it is. We have to learn that it’s time to heal so we can grow.

We must learn what we can control and what we can’t control. We can control everything we are responsible for. We can’t control other people and what they do with the things they are responsible for. Sounds simple in context but for most of us who have experienced trauma, it isn’t. We want to control everything and everybody.

Sometimes the best thing you can do for yourself is relinquishing control. Stop worrying about other people and what they do with the things they are responsible for. Stop trying to be God in people’s lives. God has His job under control. Stop wanting people to live their lives like you. Unfortunately, they are not you. You can’t live their life for them, stop trying.

“And above all things have fervent love for one another, for love will cover a multitude of sins” (1 Peter 4:8). God intended for us to love one another not control one another. God himself is not in control of us. He showed us that by giving us free will.

Try and remember you can’t control everything.