Forgiveness is a necessity because it is where healing from offenses and pain lies. We live in a fallen world. It is a fallen world full of hurting people. Hurting people who never do the work it takes to heal can end up wicked people hurting others. This is something that as a little girl and a young believer I could not understand. I felt that as long as I treated people nice and fair, I would avoid the pain of being hurt by others. I also thought forgiveness was something I chose and if I did not want to do it, I did not have to forgive.
Time would tell me that holding on to offenses makes miserable people. It makes people that are full of anger and rage, and they don’t know why. A lot of times this is the root of pain that leads to bitterness and treating people who never contributed to your pain terribly because you are hurting. You are hurting because you are holding on to everything that ever happened in your life.
Let’s see what God’s word says about forgiveness…
Then Peter came to Him and said, “Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? Up to seven times?” Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven.
Therefore, the kingdom of heaven is like a certain king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants. And when he had begun to settle accounts, one was brought to him who owed him ten thousand talents. But as he was not able to pay, his master commanded that he be sold, with his wife and children and all that he had, and that payment be made. The servant therefore fell down before him, saying, ‘Master, have patience with me, and I will pay you all.’ Then the master of that servant was moved with compassion, released him, and forgave him the debt.
God settles all offenses by having mercy on both parties involved. God is always forgiving offenses whether we deserve it or not. We often still want blessings amid the offenses we inflict on others knowingly and unknowingly or intentionally or unintentionally.
We expect forgiveness from God for what we do, but we fail to extend it to others. God always forgives us. We may reap from the negative things we have sown, but God still forgives. He doesn’t keep score. Some would reason God can forgive all He wants but I shudder at the thought of forgiving those who have hurt me.
“But that servant went out and found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred denarii; and he laid hands on him and took him by the throat, saying, ‘Pay me what you owe!’ So his fellow servant fell down at his feet and begged him, saying, ‘Have patience with me, and I will pay you all.’ And he would not but went and threw him into prison till he should pay the debt.
We see here that many of us represent the servant. We may say God forgive us and expect his forgiveness. Although when we get hurt or offended, we refuse to forgive and want revenge. God is about unity, peace, love, compassion, and releasing pain from our lives. Forgiveness does not mean reconciliation, but it does mean freedom from carrying offenses.
So, when his fellow servants saw what had been done, they were very grieved, and came and told their master all that had been done. Then his master, after he had called him, said to him, ‘You wicked servant! I forgave you all that debt because you begged me. Should you not also have had compassion on your fellow servant, just as I had pity on you?’ And his master was angry and delivered him to the torturers until he should pay all that was due to him.
You can be like the servant expecting God to always forgive you but holding on to every offense and seeking revenge. You may also want to hang it over their head instead of letting go. We have all done this. There is freedom and liberation in doing the inner work that helps us to let go of offenses and forgive.
The way you treat others who hurt you affects everything in your life. The torturers it speaks of here are bitterness, lack of peace, loss of sleep, anger, frustration, isolation, rage, lack of purpose, etc. Many people do not even realize these things are affecting their lives and the root is unforgiveness or holding on to offenses.
“So, My heavenly Father also will do to you if each of you, from his heart, does not forgive his brother his trespasses.”
God is a forgiving God. God also holds us accountable for what we hold against others in our heart. The things we hold against others seep out in our lives in many ways. There are a lot of people with all kinds of diseases, sickness, mental health issues, anger, rage, financial issues, eating disorders, addictions to illicit drug use etc. We often do not realize how much pain we hold and how it affects us on a daily basis.
God is not requiring us to forgive to let others get away with anything. He requires us to forgive because He does not want us bound to the offenses of others.
How do we forgive when God requires it?
Forgiveness is not an overnight mastery. You will be forgiving as Jesus’ told Peter multiple times which means over and over. You can choose to hold on over and over again as well which is often the choice for many. You need God to help you to begin to see the roots of why you hold on. Sometimes forgiveness is not our first response because it was not our parents first response. We never saw it modeled for us growing up.
I have not arrived at forgiving everyone who has ever offended or hurt me. One thing I have done is do the work it takes to forgive a little at a time. The weight gets lighter and lighter. Therapy is where my forgiveness process started. Forgiveness is done over time. Sometimes it takes for you to mature to a level where forgiveness is a natural response to offenses. It is heavier spiritually to hold on to offenses than walking in forgiveness and letting go. You forgive in God’s strength not your own. Forgiveness will always be freedom and a necessity.
Resilient Inspired Spiritual Excellence R.I.S.E. 